Today, I felt like we officially started this new year. Some routine re-entered our lives. I went back to work. The kids went back to school. And, the holidays became an official memory. And, although all of the time together this past Holiday Season was amazing and wonderful, I found myself welcoming the mundane activity of today. I want the normal, the routine, the boring. I want all of this, because I am trying to remain faithful and strong for Joey.
On Thursday, the 5th and Friday, the 6th, we will be at the hospital all day for 3-month scans. Joey has to be so strong through all of it, and I have to be so positive for him. I pray for strength in faith. And, all the while, the realization that the result could once again turn our normal, routine and boring lives upside down eats away at me. This is the curse of being the adult in this. Joey is so able to view it all differently. And, I must learn from him.
The other day I was holding him on my lap and just eating him up! I said, "Joey, you are so special!" Joey said, "My cancer made me special, Mom.!" This took my breath away. Don't get me wrong, I know my son is special. I know that we are blessed. I have seen the gifts that we have gained from this fight. I just never viewed the CANCER as making him special. He was near death so many times. At one point during transplant, he had seven, foot-long bags hanging on his IV pole just to sustain him. And, yet, he is able to view all of this as the one thing that made him special. I said, "Joey, why do you think that?" He said, "Because, Mom, when I had cancer, people worried about me and prayed for me, and that is why I made it. So, I am special!" When this first became our reality, I remember saying to a nurse, "I am afraid that Joey is one of the special ones that God wants early." Now, I realize that he is one of the special ones put here to inspire us all. And, I am special just being near him. Tonight I said to him, "Joey, you just touched my heart." He said, "Mommy, YOU just touched my SPIRIT!" Wow. How lucky am I?
Love, Laura Jeff Gina and Joey
